An Open Letter to my Father, a Wealthy Republican/Neo-Conservative "Free-Marketeer"

(note: Far from being grammatically concise, the following was written briefly in less than 10 minutes as a stream of thought that was quickly fired off as an email to my father, a recalcitrant conservative)

I Have Seen the Light

I cant believe that I have been thinking and acting from a totally distorted worldview! Today I received a visit from someone among the Dark Brotherhood, they said that per your instructions that I am ready, that it is my time to become an initiate. This weekend I am going up to the Russian River, for the Spring Sacrifice. I am so excited, I heard that the Great One, Dick Cheney is going to perform the sacrifice this year!

I also am going to receive a job as a guard at one of the new FEMA camps that all of the political dissidents are going to be taken to (at first, then the rest of the "excessive masses", unfortunately these will be death camps)!

They also told me that I am going to be safe and secure when the great one decides that "it is time".

For the sake of secrecy, I still don't know what is going to occur then, but a nuclear holocaust seems likely as they told me that we're going to be living underground for upwards of 10 years while the "Conversion Process" commences.

How could I have gotten it so wrong?! Now I know how great it is! They gave me all the money that I need, they said laughingly that it doesn't really mean anything, and that the biggest joke is that the "excessive masses" have been programmed to idolize it, and that we can thank another Dark Brother, Sigmund Freud's nephew Edward Bernays for this amazing feat of Darkness.

May Darkness Prevail, may we convert the living planet into a barren sphere so that we may live eternally as gods!

May the rightful Masters lead the heathens to a glorious future for the Masters!

All praise Milton Friedman, George Bush, Dick Cheney, Ronald Reagan, John Wayne and Buffalo Bill!

(I apologize for the overly dramatic ending to this email, as an initiate I must sign in this manner "or else", the Patriot Act ensures my full compliance and obedience, if I fail to comply I will be "transformed" into a service robot after the Conversion Process described above and not a director robot, yes that is the glorious future that awaits Mankind, to be reduced to machines, predictable and controllable at last, Praise the Great One)